A Decade

I'm certainly not an expert when it comes to marriage and how to make it blissfully happy. Early on in our marriage I would ask people who had been married much longer then me the secret to their longevity.  I thought I would discover the 'holy grail' of secrets that would ensure smooth sailing in my marriage.  I never found that answer and somewhere around year seven I stopped asking.  I have since learned marriage is much like anything else in life, it's what you make of it.  We choose to either relish in each others qualities or fester in the flaws. Luckily, Steve and I relish much more then we fester.

What seems to be the positive driving forces in our marriage are  the challenges that we create for one another--being that perfect balance between your biggest supporter and your hardest opponent. An example you need? "Hey, Gretch, I think we need to move across the country for a job opportunity.  I'll go on ahead, you stay behind and sell the house and take care of the kids, yes, I know that includes a newborn."

"Steve, I don't think I can handle all of this by myself, I can't do it,"  says I.

And then he spoke the words that made me want to punch him in the nose (yes, truly, punch him in the nose or maybe scratch his face, but definitely something that induced pain), Steve said, "how do you know what you can or can't handle until you try?"

He challenged me and I didn't want to fail.  He could've held my hand a little more, coddled me and whispered sweet nothings, but I wouldn't have emerged feeling the empowerment that I do.  

I think one of the best things we offer each other is the encouragement to be our best self.

On our honeymoon Steve and I got into a huge fight.  I really can't remember the details of it, just that it was BIG.  The night ended with us promising each other that if (at that moment it was a BIG if) we made it to ten years we would return to Montreal to celebrate our achievement.  An achievement because marriage is hard work.  It's not for the wimpy or faint of heart. While I never forgot about the promise we made on our honeymoon, I had long given up on the idea of returning to Montreal.  The promise was made long before kids, responsibilities and, frankly, life took over.  Steve completely shocked me when he told me two weeks before our anniversary that not only were we going back but the tickets and hotel had already been booked.  He's learned me well enough over the years to know that I would give a thousand reasons why we shouldn't take such a frivolous trip.  I can't argue with non-refundable tickets.  After much childcare planning and endless help from our parents and friends, we boarded a plane to celebrate.  We re-visited some of the old memories while creating some new ones.

Notre Dame Basilica 

February 2003 

 Praying for our marriage

We decided to light not one, but two, candles this time in dedication to our family and marriage.

Notre Dame Basilica 

February 2013

Sentimental Steve reserved our room at the same hotel we stayed at ten years ago.  

Ahhhhh, so sweet.

It was cold with a capital C. We had to stop and buy this quilted-blanket coat just to walk the streets.

 We stopped in for lunch at the famed Schwartz Deli.  The dining space was more then tight.  Needless to say, we made conversation with the strangers around us.

Steve thought he'd 'pop-in' for confessional.  Luckily for the priest, confession had just ended. That priest might have been there a while listening to Steve's long list of offenses.

 We made another deal: that if when we hit the twenty year mark will return for a third time and bring our children.  And.....we went ahead and agreed that spring or summer would still have the same sentimental effect without the bitter cold.