- Clothing. Old Greta- They're covered in fur for crying out loud! They don't need additional warmth or mother nature would have birthed them complete with knitting needles. New Greta- But, he shivers and loves the comfort of blankets. Don't we all feel more secure with something warm wrapped around us?! (That could be another violation right there, human feelings personified into a dog. Ugh! Who am I??)
- Outings. Old Greta- Crazy dog lady, you think everyone wants to see your dog?? We don't. Leave your dog at home where they belong. New Greta- Mmmmm, I don't think this person has met Chewy. Surely, they would want to be graced with meeting my new boy. Plus, leaving him home alone seems cruel and unjust. He's much happier when he gets to ride along.
- Dress up. Old Greta- Really? I mean, really. New Greta- Look! A dog in a tie! Hilarious!! What else can we put him in??
- Pictures. Old Greta- Got it. You have a dog and he's cute. Oh, look, another picture of your dog sleeping. New Greta- *Gush* He looks sooo cute sleeping. Where's my camera? I gotta get a picture of this!
- Food. Old Greta- You buy what special food and give your dog what to eat?? They're a dog, crazy lady, they eat poop and lick their balls! Give them kibble and when they're hungry they'll eat. New Greta- "Little Chewy, what's the problem? You don't like this expensive dry dog food we've offered you? What would make you happier, little one? Even more expensive wet dog food? Okay. And just for kicks I Googled and found this recipe for doggy meatballs that are super healthy and will help fatten you up. I will go ahead and make these for you from scratch while I feed my own children from frozen chicken nuggets."
I hope the crazy dog people out there can find it in their heart to forgive me and graciously allow me to join the club.
XOXO, Gretch, the reformer.
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