Dreams and Reality

I had a vivid dream today while sleeping after work last night.  You know, one of those dreams that feel so real it takes a couple minutes after waking up to realize it was all a dream? 

I dreamed my water broke. It was real, or at least felt that way, and I popped up in bed like I was bitten by a snake. For those friends and loved one who see me on a daily basis struggling to get through these next ten days it might seem like this would be a blissful dream, but for me, in that moment, it caused sheer panic.

A million thoughts shot with rapid fire through my brain.  Am I ready to be a mother of three?  How am I going to handle this?  Will I make it through to the other side unscathed? Will my two older kids happily adjust to our new addition? What if this baby is a hellion and not the angel I'm anticipating? 

I know whether I'm ready or not this is happening.  And I think I'm ready.  Ready by means of clothes washed, crib put back together, car seat in the car, and the two older siblings prepped.  But, ready for sleepless nights, a crying newborn, and the needs of my children far exceeding what my two hands can provide?  Now how do you prepare for that?

I've been thinking about that all afternoon.  Being that I'm not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda girl, I'm wondering what more I need to do to prepare for what's to come.  I can't stockpile sleep or clean the bathrooms over and over to cover for the month or so it will lag.  I've concluded being grateful and feeling blessed is what I need to stockpile to help me prepare for the coming months. 

I'm blessed to be pregnant for the third time.  This is possibly my last baby, I may never again be 38 weeks pregnant feeling arms and legs move all about.

I'm grateful that I'm being given the amazing gift of raising three children.  It's a life experience that brings the most challenges with the greatest rewards.

I'm thankful for my health and health of my family.  I know it seems blase, but seeing the many families that are plagued with health adversities I'm truly thankful for the health of mine.

I'm grateful for the chaos in my house.  It's not always the cleanest and definitely not the quietest, but it is filled with love and happiness.  One day my home will be quiet and I will miss the days of pitter-patter and clutter.

I'm blessed to have something to get up for in the morning.  Two and soon three children rely on me to protect, feed, and care for them on a daily basis. While this can sometimes be a daunting and overwhelming task, to be needed and loved unconditionally by my children feels amazing.

I know there will be days where I fall short of my personal expectations of the kind of mother I want to be, especially in the upcoming months.  My prayer is to be blessed with enough grace to know that tomorrow brings another day and another opportunity to do better.  And if tomorrow brings the same adversities, my hope will be to remember the wise words of my GrandmotherJane, "this too shall pass."

So, come on, beanine baby, after my day of contemplation I decided I'm ready!  We're all excited to meet you and have to join this boisterous family.  We are all so blessed and grateful you will be here soon.